Roll With It

Do you ever try to run? Unsuccessfully? Maybe he holds your wrist while you pivot — dancing a giddy circle as his windmill arm propels you? ‘Round and ’round you go.
 

 
Imagine my delight (heavy on the sarcasm, maybe), when this brilliant idea struck: Take my footless ottoman above, turn it on its side, and drape myself over it for a hearty dose with the belt. Whose idea was that?
 
There is a reason I cannot find photos online to illustrate this tricky maneuver. It’s dumb. I mean, it’s really dumb.
 

The "wheelbarrow" is a better position for sex than spanking.

There I was, remembering my days playing a human wheelbarrow, while a belt rained down on my moving backside. Why was it moving? Defiance? An instinct for survival?
 
No. My rapidly heated bottom was moving all around because I was on a ROLLING OTTOMAN.
 
For anyone inclined, like me, for the fun game of catch-me-if-you-can, a rolling ottoman is the worst temptation. My arms pushed and pulled me across the living room. My legs scissored up and down, trying to gain momentum. The belt struck lower and lower on my thighs (which earned me equally sharp words).
 
I learned two things from this experience:
 
1. I need a stationary ottoman — one that is high enough for proper presentation.
 
2. Time to bust out the roller skates. If I’m going to move, I better move fast.
 

 
*Faster than that unfortunate girl, apparently.
 

The Spank Felt ‘Round the World

A girl, a toy, and a voice on the phone.

How many times have I swung my own implement while a voice on the phone commanded, “Harder! Faster!”?
 
I shall never tell (aka, “more than I’ll ever admit”). But I will say this: it takes a lot of wrist strength to keep the session going strong — and a lot of willpower not to swap your bottom with a raw steak…not that I’ve done that.
 
I predict an alternative to those of us who find themselves in long-distance spanking relationships.
 
Our Japanese friends have created something…odd: a kissing machine that transmits your partner’s tongue movements from afar. He parries left; she dodges right. It’s kissing without that nasty business of germ-sharing.
 

 
Full article here.
 
You know where I’m going with this, right?
 
It will only be a matter of time before a spanko, far more brilliant than I, invents a spanking machine that can be controlled via computer. The closest thing is this, a program that delivers spankings from as near or far as necessary with a click of the mouse.
 

Who needs X-ray impulses when we have technology?

 
This would be different in a big way — both spanker and spankee would play their parts. The spanker would swing his paddle (much like a Wii tennis racket) and the trembling receiver would feel it with her own machine hundreds of miles away. The spanker hits harder; the spankee lets out a yowl of discomfort.
 
So get to it, my entrepreneurial friends. Although, I’m not sure which would embarrass me more: a spanking by my own hand or one powered by a man in Timbuktu?
 
Either way, a steak sounds tasty.

The effects of color

It is said that colors have a significant impact on mood.

White represents reverence, purity, humility,  and innocence. It is a color that signifies peace in Western culture.

It is also a blank canvas and some would consider it only a beginning foundation for the rest of the colors on the spectrum.

Having a white bottom means you are pure, void of any naughty deeds. It also means that you should expect additional colors added to your palette by some overzealous decorators.

Pink can provide a sense of being cared for; it’s about nurturing and love. Saying that one is “in the pink” signifies that they are healthy, robust, well.

Rooms that are painted pink are said to have a calming effect on its inhabitants.

It is a sign of a well-cared for bottom. Pink calms me, too.

Red is the color that we pay the most attention to. It is the warmest and most energetic color in the spectrum.

We associate red with love, valentines, danger, desire, speed, strength, emergency exit signs, and stop signs. Red can evoke a fight-or-flight response, raise blood pressure and make the heart beat faster.

Ancient cultures used the color red to stimulate the body and mind and to increase circulation.

Turning one’s bottom red has a definite and stimulating impact on circulation.  I can personally attest to the fight-or-flight response to the color red.

Crimson makes some people feel irritable.

Very irritable.

Is it any wonder that my favorite color is…green?

On being a smart girl

No matter how smart a girl is, or how wisely she negotiates, she’s going to find herself over his knee before the end of the day. 

She can use logic and reason, mathematical equations, a persuasive speech, but it is an eventuality, like growing older, that must not be avoided but rather approached with grace and acceptance. She will be spanked.

So she does what any smart girl does: she makes it worse for herself.

She pokes and prods him, criticizes his word choice, allows a defiant tone to edge its way into dinner, as if the guarantee of the looming deed were not enough. She does not need to stick out her tongue, that would be taking it too far, much too obvious for a smart girl. She does, however do everything in her power to ensure that she will not only be spanked, but that she will feel it.

After all, a smart girl knows that if something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.

Second photo from Spank Amber. Other sources unknown.

One last thought* about corner time…

This is how one should stand in the corner. Much more interesting, don’t you think?

Ok, pardon the interruption. Carry on.

*Disclaimer: This, most likely, will not be my last actual thought on corner time. In fact I plan on thinking about it more this afternoon, later this evening, and perhaps even into tomorrow.

Not in Kansas anymore

I received my first ever care package today. Even when I lived overseas and was dying for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and Tabasco Sauce, nobody ever thought to pack typically American things and pay the crazy postage to ship them to me.

But today, just now, I received this:

It was postmarked from Kansas, from a kinky friend who I’ve grown close to (obviously close enough that he knows my address). The suspense is killing me.

Shall I open it?

Any guesses what’s inside the bubble wrap?

Ta-daaa!

If you said a quirt and a crop you’d be correct!

My Kansas friend just informed me that it’s technically a “hog slapper”, not a crop. But since I have neither farm nor hog, I shall refer to it as a crop. (I don’t have a horse either, but I’ve been known to whinny like one when the occasion suits.)

Although it’s certainly unlike any care package that I’ve imagined, it will “hit the spot” and “heat things up” far better than any boxed macaroni or hot sauce ever could.

Thank you, A!

Does this corner make my butt look red?

How is this exciting?

http://www.youtube.com/v/cjrjKDnUyvc?fs=1&hl=en_US

ZZZ….are you asleep yet? (Okay, so the last part might have woken you up.)

How any top can get anything out of this is beyond me. There we are, standing in the corner, fighting the fidgets, while you pour yourselves drinks and try to act interested.

Might I suggest some post-lecture dancing instead? No? What if we were in tap shoes? I think making us jiggle our freshly colored bottoms is much more of a deterrent than having us stare at a blank corner. Especially if your girl is like me and doesn’t know the first thing about tap dancing. How humiliating!

I know what you’ll say. “You’re missing the point,” you’ll say. But I get the point. I just don’t see how you can enjoy us standing in the corner. I’m really saying this out of concern for you.

I know, I know, we’re supposed to be pondering the act of submission, feeling contrite and well-spanked, loved and disciplined and ready for forgiveness. It’s not supposed to be fun — your words occupying our head space as we wonder, is this all or will there be more spanking once I manage my escape?

If dancing isn’t suitable (and it doesn’t seem like it is), then how about some other form of artistic expression?

Or better yet, to drive the lesson home, why not try saying, “You go take a hot bath and think about what you’ve learned, young lady.”

That’ll show us.

No?

Okay, okay…I’m going.

Does it come with sound?

If you’re anything like me, you storm the malls and boutiques on December 23, looking for the perfect gift for that special someone. Why wait? I’ve done some shopping for you.

Spankeuse Mécanique……$12.00

Discover the delicious tingle of a well-deserved spanking with this stress-busting toy. This professional duo have distilled years of experience to bring you red-handed action at various levels of intensity.

Mister Masturbation and Miss Masturbation…$12.00

Just off the runway and into your living room! Build your own fully masturbational Adam and Eve. Comes in vanilla and chocolate.

Each kit comes beautifully packaged and includes everything you need to build your very own paper power mechanical toy, available at World Upside Down.

Happy shopping!

If she only knew…

The other day my mom and I were discussing a horrible news article, about something I will not mention here, which prompted her to show me exactly where a spanking should take place.

“Here, on the fleshy part and on the undersides of the cheek. NEVER above the tailbone,” She instructed, demonstrating first on herself and then, to my horror, on me.

“Ummm….yes, mother.”

Joining in: How spankable are you?

Fellow bloggers everywhere are taking this challenge and posting their scores. So I decided to take the test and make it official.

Your result for The How Spankable Are You Test …

SPANK SLUT

You are 100% spankable!

You love to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldn’t be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.

I disagree.

Provoking my lover? Flagrant misbehavior? Verbal challenges?

No way. Not me. Never.

And just so you know, I’m kneeling at the keyboard, not standing.

(Artwork by Waldo.)