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Extraordinary uses for ordinary objects

14 Sep


The ever naughty, always raunchy Heels-n-Stockings from Sexual Adventures of a Married Woman organized a fun group post inspired by a book called “Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things”. Her take on it was definitely more of the “insertables” variety but, I, being a spankophile to the nth degree, chose to focus on the use of ordinary objects during a spanking.

Shocking. I know.

So, without further ado, I give you a list of 25 household items that can be used before, during, and after a spanking session:

1. Leather motorcycle glove — Two implements in one, a hand coated in leather. I prefer the fingerless variety as you can still enjoy the skin-to-skin contact (and fingers remain free to investigate).

2. Bamboo back scratcher — The knobs of the bamboo handle are a unique sensation.

3. A straight back chair — Yes, the top can sit on it and pull the errant young lady over his lap, recalling a picture of traditional discipline. But if you’re tall, like me, you can also press your hips against the back and fold your body over it, resting your elbows on the seat. Or you may choose to use TWO chairs back-to-back and place your knees on one seat, your torso over the backs, and grip the seat of the other chair while enjoying a hearty administration of hand or strap.

4. Lexan blind rod — These actually are much more useful on blinds and have no justifiable reason to be used on bottoms. Move on to the next one on the list, dear Tops.

5. A belt, around the knees — We all know that a belt makes a terribly effective and fun implement — although some may hesitate to agree. But have you ever been bound with one? When you hear the belt trailing through the loops, you might be expecting to feel its power against your cheeks. What a surprise when, instead, you feel it tightening just above your knees, preventing you from getting out of position. It’s an interesting twist on restraints that I highly recommend.

6. Car mat — This is one of the more evil, evil things I have experienced: corner-time while sitting on the pointy-side of a car mat. I can tell you this though: I have never driven after having a few too many since that experience. (The punishment fit the crime.)

7. Dowel off of a wooden hanger — Preferably while holding onto a balcony railing, watching people below as you attempt to hold back your reactions. (Be sure to remove any nails or splinters from the rod as it can otherwise cause a startlingly awful and unintended sensation.)

8. A marking rod — This may be one of the more unusual items on the list. You know those flags you use to mark your driveway in the winter so the snowplows don’t plow you in? Remove the flag part and you have a fiber-glass rod that is just the right length for an over-the-bed session.

9. A pizza board — My good (vanilla) friends have one of these hanging on their kitchen wall. If things get a little hot in the kitchen, how about leaning over the counter for a few spontaneous doses of this item?

10. A sawhorse — I recommend covering it in some sort of padding before use. I assure you, if the restraints are done properly, a sawhorse leaves one completely vulnerable to whichever of these chosen implements. A good mix of pain and pleasure while over the horse makes it an activity that can be enjoyed for an extended period of time.

11. Panties — They can be used as handles, restraints around the knees or, if things get too loud, an impromptu gag. I have had the dubious pleasure of having my own wet panties unceremoniously stuffed in my mouth during a particularly vocal session.

12. A DIY strap constructed with leather from a tack shop and a work-light handle — See here.

13. Clothespins — It was not my idea to include this on the list. Yes, this is my blog, but a certain person (ahem) wishes to impart his wisdom as well. So I’ll say it fast: put one on each nipple. Do NOT exceed 15 minutes. DO control the tension with a rubber band if they are too tight. A positive thing about clothespins? It can distract you from the spanking.

14. Ruler — They make flexible rubber rulers! They sting! A lot!

15. Wooden spoon — Yawn. But it’s one of those “old reliables” that, no matter how many times it’s been used, elicits a rousting reaction.

16. Rolled up towel — Yes. They do hurt when rolled and snapped at a naked bottom, preferably while said bottom is running and giggling throughout the house.

17. Mentholated cream (NOT Icy Hot or Ben-gay) — Not for during, you pervs. (Although I have heard of some adventurous souls doing this.) No, this is for AFTER a particularly hard spanking. The cream is soothing and hot all at once and aids in the healing process. I used this after my last hard session and like to think that my bottom regained its lily glow a whole lot quicker because of it.

18. An ordinary house slipper — When the rubberized sole connects to flesh, the impact is just as effective as some other specifically designed spanking implements. Plus, it’s a bit humiliating to be spanked with a slipper — don’t you think?

19. Silicone hot pad — They’re floppy. They’re silicone. And with a slight snap of the wrist, they really do make one take note.

20. Fly swatter — A clean one, please. They make them in leather, too.

21. Kid’s paddle game — Remove the ball and elastic string. See how many swats you can get in before the thin plastic breaks. My record? One swat.

22. Spatula — Another stand-by that is always at hand. A wooden spatula is a particularly powerful foe that makes my eyes widen each time I see it.

23. Dog leash — I guess they make braided leather ones, too, but I’ve only experienced the woven cloth variety, which pack a nice and unexpected zing.

24. Wooden hairbrush — The all-time favorite ordinary object employed by spankos everywhere. I keep mine in plain view on my dresser so each morning I can imagine its employment on my bottom.

25. Tree branch — The selection of the perfect branch might just be the best part of using this implement. Once it is free of excessive knobs be prepared to be wowed. Its wide availability is a detriment to bottoms in any locale.

Whew. There goes my career in politics.

Feel free to add any “ordinary item” suggestions before visiting the other kinky folks playing (warning NSFW, of course!):

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