Roll With It

6 Jul
Do you ever try to run? Unsuccessfully? Maybe he holds your wrist while you pivot — dancing a giddy circle as his windmill arm propels you? ‘Round and ’round you go.

Imagine my delight (heavy on the sarcasm, maybe), when this brilliant idea struck: Take my footless ottoman above, turn it on its side, and drape myself over it for a hearty dose with the belt. Whose idea was that?
There is a reason I cannot find photos online to illustrate this tricky maneuver. It’s dumb. I mean, it’s really dumb.

The "wheelbarrow" is a better position for sex than spanking.

There I was, remembering my days playing a human wheelbarrow, while a belt rained down on my moving backside. Why was it moving? Defiance? An instinct for survival?
No. My rapidly heated bottom was moving all around because I was on a ROLLING OTTOMAN.
For anyone inclined, like me, for the fun game of catch-me-if-you-can, a rolling ottoman is the worst temptation. My arms pushed and pulled me across the living room. My legs scissored up and down, trying to gain momentum. The belt struck lower and lower on my thighs (which earned me equally sharp words).
I learned two things from this experience:
1. I need a stationary ottoman — one that is high enough for proper presentation.
2. Time to bust out the roller skates. If I’m going to move, I better move fast.

*Faster than that unfortunate girl, apparently.

18 Responses to “Roll With It”

  1. D July 6, 2011 at 9:46 pm #

    I’ll never tire of putting you over the end of the bed. But that ottoman can roll to many places, inside and out! I want a hollow one that will fit in the overhead bins on the planes. American Tourister, are you listening?

    • Lea July 6, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

      Lol! I find all furniture with wheels to be dangerous, I’m much too clumsy.

      • Barely Pink July 6, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

        (Weird comment nesting action going on tonight. Apologies on behalf of WordPress.)

        This ottoman doesn’t have wheels, but because it’s circular, it became one big wheel. A Pink Mobile, if you will. 🙂

        Yes…wheels, steps, moving parts…all things to be avoided in my household.

    • Barely Pink July 6, 2011 at 10:21 pm #

      What a fantastic idea! *Shaking head, hoping that American Tourister pays you no attention.* Really, spectacular, D.

    • Barely Pink July 6, 2011 at 10:24 pm #

      Love that song, bree.

      Is it a bad sign that I mistook the cleavage in the video for butt cleavage at first? Where is my mind?

  2. Erica July 7, 2011 at 2:46 am #

    Yikes! Trying to spank (or strap) a moving target is ambitious, certainly… but it usually doesn’t bode well for the target. (ouch)

  3. wordsmith July 7, 2011 at 9:01 am #

    I have a weird picture in my head of your house Pink, everything somehow being tailored for spanking purposes, pictures on the walls all being of “innocent” implements, cuckoo clock that pops out with a paddle in it’s beak 😀

    • wordsmith July 7, 2011 at 9:38 am #

      …not that I’m saying you’re cuckoo! Should be “its beak”. That’s going to annoy me all day now…I hate loose commas. I’ll just have to make a cup of coffee now to avoid having to work. bye.

      • wordsmith July 7, 2011 at 9:43 am #

        …nice photoshop!

      • Barely Pink July 7, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

        Shh…I don’t think you were supposed to notice that.

      • Barely Pink July 7, 2011 at 10:56 pm #

        I may be a little bit cuckoo. (Insert lame joke about Cocoa Puffs here.)

    • Barely Pink July 7, 2011 at 10:49 pm #

      That is EXACTLY what my house is like, Wordsmith. Everything is spankifiable here.

      I had a cuckoo clock, actually. Wish I’d thought of adding a paddle before I sold it.

  4. steve July 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    winwood is cool. But the video gave me a suggestiion for you, is there a place in your abode for those flat bar stools. Look perect especially for a 6 footer such as yourself they don’t have wheels either. Just a helpful decorating tip.

    • Barely Pink July 7, 2011 at 10:54 pm #

      Oh, Steve…I like the bar stool idea. I’ll have to MAKE a place as no such place yet exists.

      • steve July 7, 2011 at 11:09 pm #

        glad to be of assistance

  5. Raven Red July 7, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    I cannot STOP giggling. And I am stuck with the images in my head. Well, the one good thing is that now I know I am not the only one with “it seems such a good idea at the time! What was I thinking” thought processes..

    • Barely Pink July 7, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

      Are you as often afflicted by the “oopsies” as I am? My life is a long string of blonde moments. 🙂

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