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The Attitude

4 Aug
“You’re developing an Attitude,” he said under his breath in the check-out aisle.
“Oh? Is it a GOOD attitude?” I asked loudly.
“Umm…no. And it will be addressed later.” Swat!
There are lots of adjectives out there. Why, when someone is ‘developing an attitude’, is it automatically presumed to be a ‘bad attitude’? Positive. Cooperative. Sunny. Winning. Those could be used to describe my attitude — on any other day but this one.
Imagine jazz hands. Sarcastic jazz hands. With a snap. That was me.
Attitude with a capital ‘A’ apparently needs no adjective.

By Endart.

In the car, the only sound was my eye-rolling. You know the kind — when you roll your eyes so hard that the air sighs around them.
“We’re going to talk about that thing that’s been bothering you first. But then, young lady, you’ve earned yourself a Spanking,” he announced as he put the car in park in his driveway.
“Oh? Will it be a GOOD spanking?” I quipped.
It was not. Spanking with a capital “S” is similar to Attitude. It requires no adjective either.

Corner, Spank, Repeat

25 Apr

Confession made.
In the wake of my spluttering, there is nothing. You say nothing. Your body language gives little indication that you even heard me.

I wait for moments that feel like days. I wait so long and worry so hard that I can feel my first wrinkle crease my forehead, seeds of gray sprout and bloom in my blonde hair.
Your silence ages me; your silence erodes me.

There is no punishment greater than this mandated silence. I don’t dare cross my ankles or reposition my hands that are balled beneath my thighs. There is an itch on my arm, but I cannot scratch it. I fear breathing, so great is my desire to disappear in your moment of reflection.
For all of my outward stillness, there is a giant riot on the inside: Spank me! Send me to the corner! Wash my mouth out with soap! Do something before I come undone!

If you insist on silence, just point to that looming corner. Pantomime the removal of my pants before patting your thighs. You don’t need words for me to follow your instructions: corner, spank, repeat.
Give me the loud clap of forgiveness as hand meets cheek.

Bum(per) Stickers

8 Mar
Ok. Get in the brat huddle.
Let’s see how many bumpers we can attack with these stickers.
One, two, three…go!





Brats: decorating the world, one bumper at a time.
ADDED: More brats have spoken. Three more stickers need to be distributed.
From Hedone, a subtle bumper sticker that would speak to many of us:

And from Zelle, a bit more obvious to any person with a rearview mirror:

And one from Dioneo:

I love you guys!

Attention Seekers

24 Feb

“Good girls bend at the knees. Naughty girls bend at the waist.”
Let’s get this straight: not all of us waist-benders are looking for redemption at the hands of your…hands. Some of us just like to get spanked. Daily. And hard. All right?
Ask me what naughty thing I’ve done today and I’ll most likely tell you how good I’ve been. Or I’ll lie.
Do I need to lie? What is the magical misdeed to flip your spanker switch? I ran a red light. I flipped off the cop who chased me after running the light. I…I spit on his shoe. Then I RIPPED up the ticket! Then I flashed him. Hard.

Can I have my spanking now?
How about now?
Now would be good. Let’s just skip the whole “deserving it” nonsense and get down to the crux of the matter.
You want it. I want it.

You know I’m not above sticking my tongue out or wagging my middle finger at you. You know I can run, fast, pretending that I want to avoid your brand of punishment. If you need those silly antics (and sometimes we both do), I’m willing to pay the price. Let’s just keep that foreplay down to five minutes, ok?
Because in six minutes? I want to hear your hand slapping my ass cheeks.

You’re a Focker.

17 Feb

Okay. You can stop now. No, really. Yes. I get it. I GET it, okay? Stop. Stop. Like now, like fifteen stupid smacks ago. Message received, loud and…OUCH!

Ok, I felt that one but this is getting old. Ho-hum.
I guess I’m here for your lesson. Your “wisdom”. So give it to me. Give it ALL to me. Go on, give it your best shot.
Is that all you have? What…no big, bad paddle for me this time? You’re sure?
Really? I can get up?
Phew. So glad that is all over. You feel better. I feel…better. We both win.

You’re sending me to the corner? The nerve. You know, vacuums fit in corners, too. There’s this cobweb that’s been there for months. Months. You should do something about that.
You’re really making me stand in this corner?
Here’s what I think of you and your filthy corner:
Hire a cleaning service!


25 Jan

I am concerned.
I said, “Thank you, Sir” not once, but one hundred times, as he rigorously applied the wooden paddle to my inflamed behind. Common courtesy would dictate at least one, “You’re welcome,” by way of reply. Instead he silently persisted, alternating cheeks as I kicked my objections and voiced my gratitude over his lap.

And didn’t he learn in Kindergarten that when someone asks him to stop doing something, that he should heed her wishes — or at least pretend to consider them? Sheesh. I don’t know how many times I asked, then begged, then shouted for him to stop. But he kept right on going.
Maybe it’s not a question of courtesy? Maybe the booming crack of the bouncing paddle has caused permanent hearing loss? Either way, it’s perplexing. Particularly so when, afterward, he knelt by my own functioning ear and whispered how I took that so beautifully and that he was proud of me.

Samantha Woodley wears her mascara like a badge of honor.

Took it beautifully? Proud of me? Did he not notice what a blathering mess I was? Is the river of mascara on my face not visible? Do we need to get his eyes checked as well as his ears?
One last item for the doctor to check: while his eyesight and hearing seem impaired, his “downstairs” appears to be picking up the slack and in need of my immediate attention. Could this be a circulation problem?
Diagnosis needed.


Does this corner make my butt look red?

28 Oct

How is this exciting?

ZZZ….are you asleep yet? (Okay, so the last part might have woken you up.)

How any top can get anything out of this is beyond me. There we are, standing in the corner, fighting the fidgets, while you pour yourselves drinks and try to act interested.

Might I suggest some post-lecture dancing instead? No? What if we were in tap shoes? I think making us jiggle our freshly colored bottoms is much more of a deterrent than having us stare at a blank corner. Especially if your girl is like me and doesn’t know the first thing about tap dancing. How humiliating!

I know what you’ll say. “You’re missing the point,” you’ll say. But I get the point. I just don’t see how you can enjoy us standing in the corner. I’m really saying this out of concern for you.

I know, I know, we’re supposed to be pondering the act of submission, feeling contrite and well-spanked, loved and disciplined and ready for forgiveness. It’s not supposed to be fun — your words occupying our head space as we wonder, is this all or will there be more spanking once I manage my escape?

If dancing isn’t suitable (and it doesn’t seem like it is), then how about some other form of artistic expression?

Or better yet, to drive the lesson home, why not try saying, “You go take a hot bath and think about what you’ve learned, young lady.”

That’ll show us.


Okay, okay…I’m going.

Letter from the school

15 Oct

D just received this letter from The Birchwood Academy.

Do you think I might be in trouble?

Mr. D,

We regret to inform you that Miss Pink has been suspended for 3 days from The Birchwood Academy for inappropriate and lewd behavior. You are aware that the academy has a strict dress code to ensure our ladies take the utmost care in representing this fine institution. Miss Pink has been repeatedly warned that her skirt is too short and that she needs to wear the regulatory undergarments to protect her modesty and the integrity of our school.

Today was her last warning, as she appeared in school wearing a skirt that barely covered her feminine bits, coupled with undergarments that were shocking and far from regulation standard.

In a move that can only be described as deliberate, she proceeded to drop one item after another in front of her offended maths professor who could hardly believe the sights she showed him when she bent to retrieve them. This is totally inexcusable.

It is with deep regret that we suspend her for these actions, but I am sure you can understand our stance on preserving the reputation of The Birchwood Academy. It is our hope that when she returns to school next Thursday, October 21, that she will be properly attired in a manner befitting the young ladies of our school.


Miss Presswood

I’m biting my nails. What, oh what, do you suppose D will do tonight when I arrive at his house for the weekend?

Surely not.

I suspect he’ll just take me shopping.

Spanking of the week

13 Oct

“I’m pouting,” I said over the phone last Friday.
“Why are you pouting?”
“Because it’s my birthday and you’re away on business. My computer is being held together with DUCT TAPE and I still don’t feel well. And, and…I didn’t make Chross‘ list this week.”

“Ahh….,” he said, “the real reason emerges. Do you expect a link every week?”

“No! I never expect a link. And it’s not just that; it’s my birthday! Things are supposed to go my way today and they’re just…not.” I punctuated my petulant tone with a stomp of my foot to accentuate my dismay.

“Sweetie, I’m sorry you’re having a bad day but I don’t know how I feel about some other guy making you so happy,” he said, in reference to the “Spankings of the Week” posts each Friday.

“I think we just may need to put things in perspective for you,” he said with extra emphasis on perspective.

“Really?” I said, my voice small and hopeful. “Perspective, how?”

“I think you need a whole other kind of ‘spanking of the week’, don’t you?” God, his voice is sexy when he says that word.

Suddenly, my day just got a whole lot better. A girl, after all, needs a little perspective in her life.

“Yes, Sir. A spanking of the week is just what I need! That, and some more DUCT TAPE…”

Hmmm…..I wonder what D would say if he knew I’d silently thanked Chross for this soon-to-be-had pleasure. Perhaps some more perspective-lending would be in order…

Note to readers: Duct tape can only hold a computer together for so long. Mine is finally being fixed by a real professional and I will be offline for a few days. I pinky promise to respond to comments upon my return.

Simple conflict resolution

7 Oct
Conflicts in relationships can be a valuable opportunity for increasing communication between the two of you. Conflict is not necessarily a bad thing.

When you are in the midst of conflict, one relationship guru suggests you take the LEAD approach (Listen, Explore, Affirm, Decide) to manage it respectfully and calmly. Finding her advice useful, I have adapted it for you here at The Pink Report.

Listen to what is being said.

Take your fingers out of your ears long enough to hear why he is upset. Clarify. Many conflicts arise out of a simple lack of understanding — avoid making assumptions about how he is feeling, but instead repeat his words back to him.

ex: “I hear you say that you do not like it when I slam the door in your face. I understand that you think it’s disrespectful.”

Keep a straight face throughout this clarification process. This is key.

Explore the feelings that come up.

Sometimes conflict escalates because something about the situation is an emotional trigger for us. Try to treat this incident as completely separate from the past. You can manage conflict more effectively if you deal only with the matter at hand.

ex: “Just because I slammed the door on you last week does not mean that I’m making a habit of it. I really think what’s happening here is that the door needs to be checked as I certainly didn’t mean to slam it today.”

Proceed to show him how easily the door slams with little effort by repeatedly shutting the door in his face. “See? It really is way too easy to slam this door.”

Affirm the other person’s point of view.

You don’t have to agree to understand the other’s point of view. Simply acknowledging and validating someone’s feelings can be a powerful tool for resolving conflict positively. At the end of the day, most people just want to be heard.

For this phase, it is sometimes helpful to be completely naked except for an eye-catching accessory.

ex: “I understand that you don’t like it when I slam the door. I understand that it hurts your ears and disturbs the peace. Don’t these heels make my legs look longer?”

Decide on a fair course of action.

Now that you have a clear idea of what the problem is and where the person is coming from, it is time to explore some solutions. Choose the soundest option to deal with the offense. Plan to revisit your decision within a specified period of time to see how you are doing and what changes, if any, need to be made.

ex: “I promise to never, ever slam the door again. And you shall hug me now for doing it. And give me daily reminder hugs for the next week. Is that fair? No? A spanking?! And another one tomorrow morning?”

You are on your own for the negotiations stage as I have not yet perfected my own game. Please email me any useful tips so I can provide further relationship advice to readers in need.

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