Any Other Way

1 Jun

Would you wish your spankohood away?
I admit life might be easier without this — find a nice guy, settle down and be scandalized with whipped cream on date nights.
There was a time, after my divorce and one failed D/s relationship, when I tried to suppress my spanking desires because I wanted something simpler. I talked myself into vanilla, dreamed of spanking but hid it under the sheets. Like an attic room full of antiques, the urges were still there but disguised as ghosts.
I dated a German man who, despite being from a country known for corporal punishment, was as kinky as an athletic sock. I spiced it up with thigh highs and corsets, vibrators, and anal sex.
Our relationship lasted for three months and ended with a spanking. In a final act of frustration, I asked him to give it a try: smack my cheeks as hard as he felt comfortable. Despite assuaging his concerns about hurting me, he complied with all the force of a love pat. He wasn’t a spanko; but I still was and it was time for a comeback.
The rest is history, my story. However, the question remains. If I could, would I wish myself to be any other way?
Having never been one, I don’t know what it’s like to be a vanilla. I don’t know if they lead easier lives. I don’t know that they are more likely to find compatible partners.

What I do know is this: my life is rich and textured. Hands hold meaning; his raised eyebrow is erotic. Because of what we do, I trust and, therefore, love with more depth than would be possible for me in a non-spanking relationship. He’s someone who truly understands me, can interpret every outline in the attic of my brain.
It doesn’t hurt that we can make athletic socks sexy. That kind of electricity is something I would never wish away.

31 Responses to “Any Other Way”

  1. steve June 2, 2011 at 12:06 am #

    preach it loud sister pink. Vanilla is for ice cream.

    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

      Ironically, my favorite flavor is vanilla. But I load it up with chocolate syrup, so I guess it doesn’t really count.

  2. Sierra June 2, 2011 at 12:15 am #

    Well I’m glad you were true to yourself… Wayyyy too many people are worried about being “normal”. We have a freedom those people will never know or understand.

    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

      Apologies, everyone, for my late arrival. Work has been KILLING me this week.

      Great point about the freedom we have, Sierra. We don’t feel the necessity to conform. I do love that part of this.

  3. Erica June 2, 2011 at 1:54 am #

    Never, ever. I love being a spanko. It took me 38 years to acknowledge and embrace and I’d never let go of all the joy and fulfillment it’s brought me.

    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm #

      🙂 I love hearing things like that.

      I certainly would never wish to deny my true self. There were times I wondered how my life would be if I was wired differently.

      I think my closets and laundry would be in much better shape if I didn’t spend so much time thinking & writing about spanking. Oh, and being spanked.

      But I wouldn’t trade an immaculate house for the joy this brings.

  4. Karl Friedrich Gauss June 2, 2011 at 7:59 am #

    Check out the discussion we’re having on the related issue of whether spanking is a form of therapy, over on Ludwig’s blog:

  5. Karl Friedrich Gauss June 2, 2011 at 8:02 am #

    Here’s a snippet from that discussion (see comment above):

    “@ Karl: Niki [sic] Flynn is a very interesting case. I could address the questions you raise, but I won’t, because these are private matters. Niki said what she wanted to say publicly in her final interview. I encourage people to re-read it and draw their own conclusions if they like.

    She did say in there: “I really do feel like my Scene self just grew up. First I stopped liking ageplay. Then I stopped liking school play. Then I stopped wanting and needing punishment and pain. I discovered the joys of pleasure – yes, what a revelation! – and have been evolving in different directions over the past few months.” So, yes, it does sound like someone outgrowing certain forms of kink, if perhaps not kink altogether….”

    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

      Wow. Outgrowing a kink. That’s an interesting discussion and I’ll be checking it out shortly. I’ve wondered about that, with the evolution of my own kink. Where will I be 2 years from now?

      I don’t think that I will ever outgrow spanking.

      Thanks for pointing this discussion out, Karl! I keep on meaning to check out that blog. No time like the present. 🙂

  6. D June 2, 2011 at 8:52 am #

    During our final assembly, some are wired for blue eyes, others for brown. Some are short with red hair, others are tall and blond. There are too many variations to list.

    Like a left handed person in a right handed world, once you admit that this is the way we are wired, it becomes natural. IMHO.

    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

      I totally agree.

      However, tall, blonde women sometimes wish for brown hair and shorter statures (just ask me). And even though it’s who I am, I have occasionally wished to be something other.

      Not anymore, though. I can’t imagine that anything else would be anything more.

  7. wordsmith June 2, 2011 at 10:43 am #

    I’ve been puzzling over whether the athletic sock thing is a kink, or a serious indicator of non-kink! To me it sounds kinky, in that I can’t say I’ve ever involved one in “anything” 😛 I guess I could sew some buttons on and make it into a hand puppet!! Suddenly it sounds promising. It is probably harder to find a compatible partner – smaller target population and highly diluted with vanilla flavouring, making the search tricky. The internet has helped a lot by creating a “pond”. No point in denying something that’s hard-wired, but I doubt very much it is the most defining thing about you. You’d be distinctly Pink even if vanilla flavoured 8)

    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 8:56 pm #

      Haha…It all depends on what that hand puppet does. I suppose that could be a birth of a new kink — coming soon to a Fetlife near you.

      Yeah, you know, even when I tried to be a vanilla, I was still pretty pink. This particular guy was shocked by what I thought were mild suggestions. It was fun corrupting him a little though.

  8. Cruel Intentions June 2, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    Great Topic Pink! I think everyone has there own worries kinky or vanilla. Not having to hide from your fantasies gives you one less thing to fret about. How many vanilla’s have evil thoughts they’ve been warned about and suppress them to the point of self-harm. True freedom is a wonderful thing being brave enough to embrace that freedom is the truely freeing part.

    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

      I do think that suppression leads to evil acts for some people.

      I wonder how many people don’t dare entertain their fantasies because someone else labeled them as “bad”? It’s a sad thing, particularly when it comes to consensual sexuality.

      • Cruel Intentions June 3, 2011 at 10:20 am #

        So right Pink, I have something I have been writing and mean to post about Russel Williams a disgraced Canadian Military Commander convicted of murder and rape, Now I have to expand upon that because of another Canadian accused of 253 child pornographic charges. Someone I knew through personally from business dealings.
        What makes these people do these things are they too hard wired. I don’t think it is so easy an answer.

  9. J June 2, 2011 at 6:51 pm #

    Great post and a question I have wondered about for years.
    Are we perhaps all kinky and it’s only a matter of degree?
    Over the years, i have spanked a number of women (not always hard I admit) and so far, I have yet to receive a complaint. In fact quite the opposite, it has often seemed to be a turn-on. Perhaps the excitement, submission, sensation, loss of control, etc is an aphrodisiac? I know it is for me!!!
    Makes you think.
    And as for you Pink, we wouldn’t want you any other way.


    • Barely Pink June 2, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

      You mean you’ve spanked a number of vanilla women and they enjoyed it? I think you should write a book — lots of men need to learn your technique! Lots of my friends have casually mentioned the spanking from behind during sex. I hesitate to say that the majority of women enjoy that, but for the majority of women I hang with it seems to be the case.

      I like being pink, too. Although I’m hardly “barely pink” anymore. 🙂

  10. Lea June 3, 2011 at 12:01 am #

    “ kinky as an athletic sock.” LOL! I’m a spanko AND a left handed girl in a right handed world. Where does that leave me? It is not something I would want to get rid of, if that were even possible. The spanking desire, fetish, whatever you want to call it, is a part of me. It certainly makes things more interesting! I see things spankified all over the place in the vanilla world and smile that I’m in on a joke that others don’t get.

    • Barely Pink June 3, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

      We see a lot more layers, don’t we?

      As for your left-handedness coupled with your spankohood, it makes you extra, EXTRA special, which we all sort of know based on your blog. (Awesome blog, btw…just haven’t had time to comment anywhere lately.)



  11. Season June 3, 2011 at 8:53 am #

    Great question! My answer is a resounding NO! No, I wouldn’t be any other way. As D said, it is part of the wiring. After having tried to suppress it for most of my life, now that I have finally embraced it I’m never going back. It’s much too delicious and I’m just getting started! Better late than never. 😆

    And most important of all, it is by finally coming out and exploring this inclination that I found my dear sweet Michael. In the end, by being true to myself I found the love of my life.

    • Barely Pink June 3, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

      “Once you get whacked, you never go back”?

      And….awww….this thing, it really opens the doors and our hearts, doesn’t it? I’m so, so thrilled that you & Michael found each other.

  12. Brett June 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    If I didn’t have spanking, what would I do with all my free time? Something practical? Productive?

    Nope, I wouldn’t give it up knowing how much fun it is. But I have denied spanking a lot in practice, and my relationship is good. I’m glad you have what you have, and I enjoy reading about it. XO

    • Barely Pink June 3, 2011 at 9:48 pm #

      I often wonder about the things I could get done if I weren’t spending so much time plotting my next spanking, thinking about my last one, and writing about everything in between. I’d probably do something uninteresting like golf. I’d be a golfo.

  13. Lea June 4, 2011 at 2:33 am #

    “Once you get whacked, you never go back.” Haha! I think you’ve found the title for your future memoirs if you choose to write them.

  14. wordsmith June 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    Er…not quite my thing somehow

  15. dd June 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    Athletic socks sexy?! I merely wear BBH’s to bed on cold winter nights.

    I suspect I was born as submissive as he is dominant and that even when spanking decreases with age the intrinsic D/s relationship will remain. Although the idea of him trying to chase me around with a walking stick whilst I am zooming along in a zimmer frame is appealing 🙂

    • Barely Pink June 6, 2011 at 11:32 pm #

      I just did what is best described as ‘chortled’ at the thought of that scenario.

      Ah…to be an old couple spanking. I love that thought.

  16. Pandora June 10, 2011 at 11:52 am #

    You aren’t the only one who tried to wish your kink away. I was 18, fresh out of a young and misguided topping-from-the-bottom relationship, well rid of my well-meaning but undeniably loony ex, trying to quit self-harm and determined to turn over a new leaf as I went to university. Bye bye, geeky spotty awkward school persona! Bye bye, self-harm! And bye, bye kink.

    My college boyfriend was beautiful, slender, athletic, clever, honourable, honest and vanilla as fuck. We shagged like rabbits and, like you, I sought other ways to spice it up – like food play, hard pounding and my first anal experience. The smack’s he’d give me as we went at it doggy style made me come, but they also made me ache and twist inside as they chimed with something that I didn’t know how to think about.

    Your story is so very, very familiar. I wouldn’t say that relationship ended with a spanking – after I asked him to spank me and realised – face down, willing, eager – that lovely as he was, he didn’t have the strength nor the aggression that I needed, I didn’t have the courage to end it. I hung on to the idea of the perfect future we’d dreamed together. And then I cheated on him with the guy who is still my partner. Ending the relationship after that embarrassing, revealing attempt at a spanking would have been much kinder, and more sensible.

    I think that kink is like any other aspect of sexuality, like which genders you’re attracted to. It’s fluid, it can change over time, but what you can’t ever do is help it. Whatever your sexuality is right now, you’re kind of stuck with it, and the best thing anyone can do is accept it.

    I like to think that spanking blogging is more than just an indulgence – it’s a letter to my younger self, a way of helping teenagers in similar situations to accept themselves and not make the mistakes I did.

    • Barely Pink June 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm #

      It’s fluid, it can change over time, but what you can’t ever do is help it. Whatever your sexuality is right now, you’re kind of stuck with it, and the best thing anyone can do is accept it.

      Amen, Pandora. Accept it without guilt.

      I love your story about trying to wish your kink away. It’s alluring — that “perfect future” — to overlook the no small matter of kink in favor of someone who, in all other respects, is who we want to be with.

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