The (Mis)adventures of a Spankoholic

23 May

My gut told me not to allow it.
We had guests — guests with one small, curious child. But they were on the other side of the house, presumably asleep, with their doors closed. Surely they wouldn’t hear if I kept my muffled reactions to a minimum, right?
It turns out there is no way to muffle the tell-tale sounds of a hand meeting flesh.
The first thing out of the little girl’s mouth was, “What was all that clapping? It sounded like this…” And then she excitedly clapped her little hands together. “What was that? It woke me up.”
Clap, clap, clap.
“Just like that,” she continued. Clap, clap, clap.
What was that?, my eyes implored D, as my face heated up. An excuse was given about the adventuring of D’s cat. If she were to repeat it, no adult would believe the far-fetched tale of an acrobatic feline, particularly if they heard the “clapping” from their own bed.

As she left with her parents later that day, her parting words were, “All that clapping was SILLY! What a goofy cat!”
Clap, clap, clap.

28 Responses to “The (Mis)adventures of a Spankoholic”

  1. misterbricks May 23, 2011 at 12:39 am #

    Oh how fabulous. Out of the mouths of babes…

    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

      Apologies..I replied to this through email and sometimes it doesn’t make it. This is my THIRD attempt. Here’s what I said:

      Hello and welcome, Misterbricks!

      This would be a hoot for Bill Cosby’s “Kids Say the Darnedest Things”, wouldn’t it? I can imagine it now…

  2. Dioneo May 23, 2011 at 12:48 am #

    I can just imagine her years from now as a grown woman. Her eyes widen as it suddenly dawns on her what Miss Pink’s late-night clapping was really all about…

    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 9:23 am #

      OMG…and these are the things that kids remember. So embarrassing!

  3. bree May 23, 2011 at 1:54 am #


    From one feline to another.

    How puuurrrrfectly naughty of you both!

    Double me-ow!

    The child probably forgot about it the next day. What was the child’s parents reaction? What did the parents think about the story?




    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 9:26 am #

      Her parents’ didn’t say anything, which leads me to two options: either they didn’t hear (I hope!), or they heard and didn’t dare ask. It’s sort of the elephant in the room, isn’t it?

      She was up before they were, so this clapping conversation happened immediately when she got out of bed. I’m sure they heard about it in the car ride, though!

      Good to see you, Bree!

  4. Ronniesoul May 23, 2011 at 5:52 am #

    Oh dear, out of the mouth of babes indeed. Did the parents make any comment?


    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 11:02 am #

      I wonder if they shared knowing glances in the car on their way home. Oh, to be a cat in that car!

  5. C May 23, 2011 at 8:11 am #

    I have tears running down my face. This is too funny, Pink. My guy is coming to visit next weekend and he said I need to start hinting to my (very kinky) roomate what’s going to happen. I told him she’ll never figure out what we are doing, but after reading this I think Ive changed my mind. I dont have a cat :p

    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 11:03 am #

      She’s very kinky? Oh…she’ll know! That’s sort of hot, though, right?

      Excited for you… 🙂

  6. Jon May 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    Laugh out loud funny Ms. Pink!


    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

      Aargh…blasted email responses…Here is the brilliance that I stated earlier:

      Glad you could get enjoyment out of this, Jon! I’ll never forget it: “Clap, clap, clap!”


  7. Velvet May 23, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

    A lesson for us all me thinks =)

    Most of us are child like in our belief that once we close the door we are in a soundproof box, be it at home or hotel …
    It’s the equivalent of children who think that they cannot be seen if their eyes are closed…

    Oh for my childhood home with thick stone walls rather than my modern new build with wafer thin walls…

    Velvet ❤

    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

      I’d settle for real plaster walls! (And some additional soundproofing of course.)

      But really…I didn’t realize that it was THAT loud. It was heard from across a pretty large house, through 2 sets of doors. It’ll be awfully hard to convince D that hotel rooms are now off-limits. 😛

  8. D May 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    Only a Spanko would know how to clap with one hand. It’s child’s play, really.

    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 4:22 pm #

      Do you think a non-spanko adult who heard clapping coming from a closed bedroom would automatically assume that there was a spanking going on? I wonder…I know I would, but that’s the way we’re wired. Perhaps they thought you were just really excited by my belly dancing or something.

  9. steve May 23, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    that’s as bad as blaming farts on dogs. When the gir grows up you might be in for some interesting questions but at least she’ll have an expert to ask.

    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm #

      Farts on dogs, spankings on cats. Seems appropriate as cats have a reputation of being more discerning of the two.

      That is a conversation I hope I will never have with that particular young lady. Fingers crossed!

  10. Lea May 23, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

    Oh children, always causing trouble. Lol. You could’ve said you recently bought a Clapper and were testing it out? On the note of if vanilla people would jump to the spanking assumption, I’m thinking not. I know someone who was spanking in a hotel room while another friend was down the hall as a look out. He said he could clearly hear it all the way down the hall but at one point a guy and 2 kids were waiting at the elevator and showed no signs of noticing.

    • Barely Pink May 23, 2011 at 9:38 pm #

      That just seems incredible to me. The sounds of spanking…they’re so obvious to the initiated!

      And…hahaha…I’m laughing at the ‘spanking look-out’ role. What was s/he on the look-out for? Lol…that’s funny. 🙂

  11. wordsmith May 24, 2011 at 4:39 am #

    So funny! I will always think of you as the cat in the picture now 😉

  12. Dave May 24, 2011 at 5:39 pm #

    hehe..I love Lea’s idea for you to say you were using/testing out your Clapper….

    Miss those info-commercials: “Clap on! Clap off! The Clapper!” And mebbe you could say, you see, your Clapper was misfiring and needed to umm be reprogrammed or yeah umm…….

    • Barely Pink May 24, 2011 at 11:45 pm #


      I miss those infomercials, too! That jingle is a classic and many a time I’ve snickered at the thought of secretively installing one in the bedroom.

  13. tim May 25, 2011 at 7:03 am #

    what to tell the kiddie ,she perhaps knew the truth lol,love and spanks ,tim xx

    • Barely Pink May 26, 2011 at 12:43 am #

      Noooo….I refuse to believe that! 🙂

  14. Lea May 25, 2011 at 8:32 pm #

    I guess they were on the lookout for… management maybe? Anyone noticing the noise? I had the idea a while back at a spanking party to install a Clapper in one of the rooms. I still need to do that. Don’t know where you buy them these days though…

  15. Barely Pink May 26, 2011 at 12:42 am #

    Here you go! Less than 20 bucks for a memorable prank! I’d love to read the blog post about that one.

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