Confessions of a Search Engine

3 May

Scrolling through the phrases people used to find The Pink Report felt a little like reading entries on PostSecret. I hope that my blog was able to help, although in some cases I’m sure they weren’t expecting me.
Here are some highlights:
Men with one ball — Ouch! Is there a dating site for that?
My creation turned against me — Better known as, “I created a spanking machine but neglected to make an off switch.”

Spanked by Poppy — Really? Does Poppy know about this?
I don’t need anyone — Everybody needs somebody. Even if it’s only the good people at your ISP.
Your cock tears my — I’m in suspense. What? What does it tear? Seems like the search should have been for high quality lubrication and a shoe horn.
I hope they spank me — I wasn’t going to say anything, but you do need a spanking.

Proud of my bare butt — Sing it, sista!
Left my panties at home — Better that than, “Left my panties at some guy’s house where he’ll hang them on his wall.”
Since running a blog and realizing all that blog owners can see, I chuckle every time I type in some crazy search combination. Those vanilla sites probably wonder what kind of nutter is trolling the internet looking for “princess in striped socks spanked for smoking”.

Yeah, not exactly the princess I wanted.

19 Responses to “Confessions of a Search Engine”

  1. steve May 3, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

    definitely not princess material. But some interesting search terms. I oddly enough found you through when you advertised there. Keep up the good work.

    • Barely Pink May 3, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

      Ha! I joined just so I could take their fetish quiz to see how pure I was. Surprisingly pure.

      That’s really interesting, actually. I often wonder how regular readers found me. 🙂

  2. Lea May 3, 2011 at 10:49 pm #

    Lol! The funniest one I’ve come across on my blog was after I wrote a post about Peeps/Easter. Someone searching for “controversial ingredient + peeps candy” may have found more than they bargained for!

    • Barely Pink May 4, 2011 at 8:42 pm #

      Hi, Lea! Good to see you over here from your super cute blog. (Go check it out, everyone.)

      I wrote a post not too long ago called “Involuntary Movements” and had a bunch of hits from people looking for info on Restless Leg Syndrome. I’m sure my post was shocking, particularly since I led with a photo of a woman kicking her legs while spanked with a wooden spoon.

      I love the Peeps thing. They were looking for controversy, and they found it. 🙂

  3. Hermione May 4, 2011 at 5:56 am #

    Those are such odd search strings. It does make you wonder…

    I only get boring ones like “Hermione spanking” and “birching”.


    • Barely Pink May 4, 2011 at 8:43 pm #

      I get some good ones. My favorite one today is “crack pants”. It makes sense. I just wonder what they were really looking for. 🙂

  4. Gern Blandershphelt May 4, 2011 at 11:44 am #

    Mmm mmm jaugermister….

    Where did you get that photo of me?

  5. crankyspanker May 4, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    Everything was going fine until I got to the end. Good thing I was sitting down or I would have tripped and fallen.



    • Barely Pink May 4, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

      It seems like a highly irrelevant, yet specialized, photo. I’m not sure why it turned up in a spanking search, but I don’t understand why I turned up in a search for men with one ball.

  6. Wordsmith May 5, 2011 at 1:25 am #

    I found you through “Aardvark Weekly” under “101 things to do with an Aardvark”. Boy, you are experimental.

    • Barely Pink May 6, 2011 at 11:00 am #

      I might accuse you of the same. What were you doing reading about the uses of an aardvark?

  7. Raven Red May 6, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    “Your cock tears me?” You can always refer the searcher to “Men with one ball”. 😯
    OMG! Now I am stuck with a image in my mind, which rather should have not been there. :headshake:
    And people walking past my office is rather looking strangely at me, must be the howls of hysterical laughter.. :rollonfloor:
    This made my day, Miss Pink!!


    • Barely Pink May 6, 2011 at 11:04 am #

      Isn’t that one mysterious? (The cock tearing bit.) I mean, there are only a few places I suppose a cock could tear, and I doubt it’s a sheet of paper.

      Does Blogger have the list of search strings for your site like WordPress does? Today’s favorite is “hot lederhosen”, followed closely by “literotica, woman and dog”.


      • Raven Red May 7, 2011 at 1:23 am #

        They do, but since my stats on Blogger went on the blink, they are not being updated…

  8. Lea May 6, 2011 at 10:38 pm #

    I often utilize Google images when looking for some pics to go with my blog posts. I’ve certainly come across some odd results myself. When typing in “belting” it kept bringing up pictures of Simon Cowell. He is British so that makes him a likely top, right?

    • Barely Pink May 7, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

      Right? I get that, too. Soon I’ll be developing a crush on Mr. Cowell.

  9. tim May 11, 2011 at 7:52 am #

    Pink who are the lovely girls spanking each other they are hot little cuties ,love your blog ,love and spanks ,tim xxx

    • Barely Pink May 11, 2011 at 8:39 am #

      Aren’t they? I have no idea who they are…or where I found the photo. If anyone knows, feel free to chime in!

      Hi, Tim! Always good to see you and thanks for loving my blog. 🙂

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