Red Herring

22 Apr
What may seem obviously spanko to us, might be considered just plain sexy to our vanilla counterparts. So if you see your friends wearing the below clothing items, beware: they may not be a spanko.
 

Yoga pants

“They’re clearly for recreation,” I’ve read.
 
With their tight, cotton fit, the wearer’s bottom is outlined as it jiggles on the elliptical in front of you. Bounce, sway, shake, bounce.
 
Yes, these pants seem to be made specifically to entice the spankers among us, but, no! Every woman I know owns a pair of yoga pants and I’d suspect only a small percentage are game for a spanking.
 

Man’s button-down shirt

Who among us hasn’t fantasized about a man’s button-down shirt, paired with innocent white socks at the end of long, bare legs?
 
It is one of my favorite items to wear for a spanking — a simple yet effective staple in my armory.
 
Who knew that vanilla women also like to wear these tokens from their men? I suppose it is a basic ingredient for any sexy woman — vanilla and spanko alike.
 

Ruffled Panties

C’mon. Ruffles? On your panties?
 
They should require a spanko license to buy. Until that time, ruffles are for everyone.
 

Jodhpurs

These skin-tight pants are most often paired with a riding crop. A riding crop and tight pants — sounds decidedly spanko to me.
 
But people really wear them for riding. Horses. Like, real horses, not the saw-horse spanking benches that we know and love.
 

Jeans

Yes, it seems like the most obvious spanko item in my wardrobe. They hug. They squeeze. They retain heat. They look great on my ass. But it turns out that everyone wears them, and when they shop for them, the butt is the most important part of the fit.
 
Doesn’t mean they’re a spanko though.
 
What next? Are vanilla women also going to wear thigh highs and corsets?
 
Impossible.
 

22 Responses to “Red Herring”

  1. Raven Red April 22, 2011 at 12:06 am #

    I am in shock, Miss Pink! 😯

    On the other hand there might be hope for me yet.

    Maybe if I present a case study that belts, wooden spoons, riding crops, etc are actually used in a vanilla way, he might decide that is rather distasteful and immediately cease in using it in the spanko way?

    • Barely Pink April 22, 2011 at 7:52 am #

      Hmmm…I see where you’re going and all I can say is, “good luck with that one.” 🙂

  2. Erica April 22, 2011 at 1:36 am #

    I’ve heard vanilla women wear short skirts, too. Bizarre. And even more incredible — they use hairbrushes on their HAIR! (insert horrified emoticon here)

  3. dd April 22, 2011 at 5:23 am #

    I guess they also use tables to eat at, desks for writing at, sofas for sitting on and beds to sleep in, very strange!

    I’ve got the jodhpurs, knicks and jeans, wear BBH’s shirts to sleep in when he’s away and for a quick cover up in emergencies but wouldn’t be seen dead in yoga pants!

    • Barely Pink April 22, 2011 at 7:56 am #

      And I suppose they use ottomans for resting their feet, too, huh?

      I occasionally throw on yoga pants to run errands but I feel slightly obscene when I do so. They really hug the buns and make me ultra-aware of what’s going on behind me. 😛

  4. Season April 22, 2011 at 6:47 am #

    And they probably use corners for furniture! 😯

    As for picture #3, Michael just loves to crush my ruffles. Repeatedly. Hrumph!

    • Barely Pink April 22, 2011 at 7:58 am #

      Haha, yes…Michael seems the type to stand up to challenges. I have a pair that are ultra frilly. I think they actually annoy D more than anything and after failed attempts to crush the ruffles, he just gives up and pulls them down. 😛

  5. Dioneo April 22, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    Well, I for one am shocked the following have gone mainstream:

    After all, I always thought it was just your fan club…

  6. Barely Pink April 22, 2011 at 9:21 am #

    Although I am opposed to wearing words on my bottom (other than on panties), I really MUST get a pair of those yoga pants. Perhaps I’d even wear them in public?

  7. steve April 22, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

    well thank you little miss pink here I thought all most women needed was a good spank to straighten em out and now you tell me otherwise. Auggghhh next you’ll tell there aint any easter bunny. Realists can be such a drag 😉

  8. Brett April 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    So much temptation. It’s a good thing vanillas can’t read minds.

    • Barely Pink April 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

      No doubt. Fashion might return to bustles and petticoats.

      Ah, but that wouldn’t stop us spankos from imagining, would it?

  9. Sierra April 22, 2011 at 6:09 pm #

    Thanks for the giggle.. this made my day!

    • Barely Pink April 22, 2011 at 7:57 pm #

      Yay! My work is done.

      Have a fantastic weekend!

  10. Dave April 24, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

    Whoever invented the jodphurs/riding crop wardrobe and equestrian theme, is a true genius.

    • Barely Pink April 24, 2011 at 4:24 pm #

      No argument there, Dave. I have never in my life ridden a real horse, but I NEED a pair of jodhpurs. You know, just in case.

  11. Cara Bristol April 24, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    Amusing, entertaining post! I can hear comedian Jeff Foxworthy saying, “You know you’re a spanko when…”

    • Barely Pink April 24, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

      You know, I’ve had that Jeff Foxworthy post in my drafts for months. It seems redundant to post it now. I would love to hear his ideas on what makes you a spanko.

      “If you have a working paddle on top of a non-working paddle, you might be a spanko…”

  12. dd April 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm #

    I have several pairs of jodhpurs, Pink, and actually do ride horses! My crop has, uh, gone missing! No idea where 🙂

    Hopping off to google Jeff Foxworthy, you learn so much online!

    • Barely Pink April 24, 2011 at 8:01 pm #

      However could a crop “go missing”? dd, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do!

      Ah, yes…Jeff Foxworthy: America’s proud contribution to comedy. 🙂

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