First Day at the Office

12 Jan

An embarrassing revelation. Courtesy of

I need your help. I do not want to be like Brandi and accidentally out myself as the new, kinklicious member of the office. You see, after a long indulgence of working from home, I rejoin the 9-5ers tomorrow. If you have been paying any attention to this blog, you’ll have noticed that my “filter” is slightly off-kilter.
Perhaps you can assist in determining the difference between acceptable and unacceptable office behavior so I can avoid an embarrassing slip-up until at least my second week of employment?
My new boss has a wonderful set of manicured, strong hands.

Is it ok if, while imagining what those hands could do, I innocently ask if he does a lot of work with them while my eyes undress his lean forearms encased in button-down cotton?
When I make my first inevitable mistake (everyone does, right?) would it be appropriate to grip the edge of the desk and expectantly bend in preparation for the stern reprimand?

Obviously, I would not flip up my own skirt. That would be presumptive and uncouth. I may be lacking frontal lobe activity thanks to my long sojourn, but I do still have manners.
By lunch, I will be dying to return to my happy world of blogginess. Would logging in to The Pink Report be career suicide?

What if I devised this sort of contraption? Nobody would suspect a thing.
Finally, we come to the question that is really weighing on me. During orientation, there will be the obligatory training on sexual harassment procedures.

Should I bring cake?

30 Responses to “First Day at the Office”

  1. Bonnie-jo January 12, 2011 at 10:46 pm #

    Lol!!! That was awesome, Pink. Thank you for making me giggle today. I’m sure you’ll be able to restrain yourself….unless that’s D’s department…

    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

      Well, I used to practice some self-spanking and it turns out I am just as good at self-restraint. My preferences for both, though, should be obvious. 😉

  2. zelle January 12, 2011 at 10:54 pm #

    OMG! SO DAMN FUNNY! You are on your own here! can’t wait to here how the 1st day goes!

    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 5:46 pm #

      It went well! I’m just waiting ’til they get to know me better….

  3. Michael January 12, 2011 at 10:57 pm #

    Great post and pictures, Pink, and like Bonnie-Jo says, I think D will take care of all your restraining and retraining. Seriously, good luck on your first day and all the rest of your days. I know you’ll knock ’em dead. 🙂

    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

      Ooh, I like the sound of that, “restraining and retraining”. It was a great day, thanks!

  4. Erica January 12, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

    (laughing) Oh, my. Look out, corporate world.

    I’m afraid I’m no help here. One of the reasons why I put up with all the pitfalls of freelance is so I don’t have to worry about being inappropriate, insubordinate, insolent or antisocial. I’m not a team player. There may be no “I” in team, but there’s an I in Erica!

    I suspect, however, that you will be just fine. 🙂 Best of luck and do keep us posted!

    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

      Ha, I love that! I in Erica…hey! There’s one in Pink, too!

      I do love working from home and will miss it but it turns out that I haven’t lost the professional knack of my earlier days.

      The pitfalls of freelance, though, definitely don’t outweigh the benefits. Unless you’re an unpaid freelancer, then it sort of sucks.

  5. Dioneo January 13, 2011 at 12:24 am #

    Not that cake! No spanking? The nerve!

    What’s funniest about the Brandi thing is how she clarifies her intent for everyone. If you do get caught in a similar situation, I’d be a little less forthright about what happened.

    Best of luck! Your sure to turn heads tomorrow…with your drive and performance, of course.

    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 5:59 pm #

      If she had said something like, “Just checking to see if anyone is paying attention…”, or something like that it would have been a graceful recovery. But, no, she went balls to the wall with that admission.

      The day went really, really well. I’m tired. But comfy and snuggled in with a hot beverage.

  6. Hedone January 13, 2011 at 2:26 am #

    Oh yes Miss Pink take cake, it’s the mannerly thing to do. With the low-key privacy contraption you’ve devised no one will ever suspect that you’re perving to the The Pink Report.

    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm #

      Look closely and you’ll see it’s a large pair of men’s pants! Now, if he had taken them off of himself, then people might be wise to the pantsless guy. But as is, it’s totally incognito.

  7. Ronniesoul January 13, 2011 at 12:06 pm #

    Too funny Pink.

    How did it go?


    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

      Hi, Ronnie! As far as first days go, it was pretty tame. Boring, really. More days like this will definitely inspire some future tom foolery from this girl. Shake it up!

  8. Raven Red January 13, 2011 at 4:58 pm #

    OMG!! This was so funny…

    If you seriously want to impress though, you can always advice your boss when you take in the assortment of implements that he does not have to refund you, it is part of your contribution to the cost savings exercise.

    Erm..when you bake the cake, can I have one as well. Would LOVE to see the reaction of my boss..

    Hope everything went well for you.



    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

      Oh, naughty! Bring in my own rulers and yardsticks? That’s genius.


      Hugs to you!

  9. D January 13, 2011 at 5:12 pm #


    There better not be any stories about how your boss tried to give you a ‘raise’, which you probably gave him first!

    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 6:04 pm #

      Actually, a raise may already be in the works. But no fear, this sort of raise will only lighten his pants, not tighten them.

  10. redbottomedgirl January 13, 2011 at 9:55 pm #

    Haha, you are freaking awesome! Definitely bring cake. Everyone likes cake, no?



    • Barely Pink January 13, 2011 at 10:42 pm #

      …especially Sexual Harassment cake. Yummmmm.

      (Hi Celine!!! I’ve missed you!)

  11. Emanuele Lombardi January 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    I can only imagine that you would be a stunning addition to any office space. Break a leg!


    • Barely Pink January 15, 2011 at 11:59 am #

      I think they like me. 🙂

      Thanks, Emanuele!

  12. J January 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

    Ahhh how i wish you were working for me!!!!
    I can imagine sending you home with a note to D requesting a meeting to discuss your behaviour…………..
    or is that only done at school???????????
    I feel sure it would work and that your performance would improve immediately!!!
    Gotta stop this daydreaming!
    Good luck in your new job. If you tackle it with the same commitment you show on your blog, your success is guaranteed.

    • Barely Pink January 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

      Oh, how I would LOVE to deliver such a note to D. If only…Hey, why don’t you email me one? 😉 I’ll let you know how it works out.

      And thank you, also, for your supportive words. Juggling an early wake time (5:30 am), long work days, and vanilla life is going to pose a challenge at first to blogging. AND to add to everything else, my laptop is FRIED, so I lost thousands of photos and I’m operating with two arms tied behind my back, in a bad way. But I hope to tackle it!

      • J January 15, 2011 at 8:32 pm #


      • Barely Pink January 17, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

        You are such an interactive reader! This is awesome. I forwarded the message to D, unopened, so we will see what he says/does on Friday. Butterflies.

        Thanks for doing that! It isn’t often when I get taken to task for poor behavior, real or otherwise. You know, ‘cuz I am SUCH a good girl. 😉

  13. J January 16, 2011 at 10:57 pm #

    email sent.

  14. Elizabeth Forster January 18, 2011 at 4:23 am #

    A bit late, but I hope all goes well for you in the world of work, but then again…not that well.

    After all, I’m sure you are already planning on your first tactical mistake, the “Oh, Sir! I’m really sorry, perhaps you’ll have to punish me!” mistake that will result in your being over his knee with your panties down while he does his best to spank your carelessness out of you.

    Always the best way to get promotion, or so it seems to me.


    • Barely Pink January 18, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

      I have to admit that I’ve imagined that scenario numerous times, no thanks to the photos on your blog. You’re going to get me in trouble.

      I. Am. Exhausted.

      First full week of work is not busting my butt in the right way, if you know what I mean. I NEED to get in some trouble. And I know just the strict Sir to put me in my place.

      • J January 20, 2011 at 6:37 am #

        Friday tomorrow…………….

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