Romancing the Tears

5 Jan

It isn’t often I’m reminded of D’s earlier life as a Disciplinarian. Despite the intensity of his hand or chosen implement, most of what we do has a distinct, erotic overtone and ends in a grand flourish punctuated by full body quakes.
With all of the intimate memories we share, it’s surprising that in the darkness of my room, in the quiet of the night, I fantasize about the paddle’s deafening thunder and my tearful surrender during what was the most severe disciplinary spanking I have ever received. At the time, it was far from pleasurable. At the time, I wanted to be far from there. But now, I regard that unfortunate session as the most intimate we have ever had.

He administered the paddle with grim determination, calling to mind the old saying, “This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you.” He didn’t want this, either. I can only imagine how he must have steeled himself against my tears while he continued, delivering dozens of punishing blows as my pleas turned to panicked gulping. I writhed as much as one can while restrained, an allowance for which I was grateful — I could not have held position by myself.
His arm stopped swinging but I didn’t immediately notice, all conscious thought consumed by my bottom’s heat. He examined me tenderly, lifting one cheek and then the other, his finger dipping between to offer comfort. Then, and this is the moment I return to most often, he knelt by the bed and lifted my wet chin, his eyes imploring mine for forgiveness, although I was the one who sought atonement. His thumb smoothed my lower lip and he kissed me — a deep, lingering kiss that stroked my soul and soothed my hiccups.

There was more discipline to be had that night. But that in-between, the application of lotion, the kneading of flesh in preparation for more, his connected presence and awareness of my turmoil, tempered what came after.
This is the night I return to, although I desperately avoid a repetition. These memories are reassuring and romantic despite the gravity of the spanking. He holds me safe through any onslaught, lifting me up while tying me down. Even through the trials of error and retribution, he holds me steady — not giving up until the last tremor of doubt has stilled.

22 Responses to “Romancing the Tears”

  1. Zelle January 5, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    (oooohhh gulp!) I’ve been there… once. Suffice to say.. it was an incredibly emotional and literally euphoric moment. I had the worst time putting into words that one discipline experience did for me.. (where there was no sex).. but I felt like I’d just had the best sex ever. Thanks for putting into words.. what escapes me each time I pick up a pen to write about it so I never forget .. I guess it was just too emotional to find the right words for me.. as I’d just put the pen down (close my word program. *grinz*) I’d never had that feeling before, and so it was new.. and yet, it bonded me like nothing else ever had.

    • Barely Pink January 5, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

      “I felt like I’d just had the best sex ever.”

      Precisely! Such an intimate, close moment with no sex? It is hard to describe. You’ll get it in writing, I’m sure of it. 🙂

  2. Erica January 5, 2011 at 1:55 pm #

    Pink, you have a way with words that takes my breath away.

    If someone asked me to describe a scene of intimacy and trust, I would say, “Read this.”

    • Barely Pink January 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm #

      You absolutely honor me with that statement. Thank you, Erica. Really. It’s a hard thing to do — describe discipline without it sounding abusive, which it is not at all here. I’m pleased that the intimacy and trust were conveyed.

  3. Sierra January 5, 2011 at 2:05 pm #

    There is a beauty in this… it is amazing what our minds will do… how we perceive things. Even if we hate it in the moment… that hate isn’t what we hold onto. It’s how the whole experience made us feel that we remember. I’ve always felt that spankings are about the emotions that it evokes in me… not the actual pain. I think that’s what I love about spankings.

    Your words always move me Pink… thank you

    • Barely Pink January 5, 2011 at 10:06 pm #

      I imagine it to be a bit like childbirth, actually. We forget the pain (allegedly) and focus on the joy of the results. Perhaps a bad analogy. I am not comparing the pain of a disciplinary spanking to birthing a baby — but hopefully you get what I’m saying. 🙂

      • Sierra January 5, 2011 at 10:47 pm #

        I totally get the analogy… Youre probably right 🙂

      • Barely Pink January 6, 2011 at 12:26 pm #

        Phew…I was dreading the hordes of people jumping in asking how I dare to compare spanking to childbirth. 😉

  4. D January 5, 2011 at 4:35 pm #

    Your post is evidence of our strong bond with each other.

    I have no fear of delivering ‘memorable’ discipline to you when necessary, just as you harbor no fears of receiving it from me.

    • Barely Pink January 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm #

      Because I trust you and you are my man, you may give me any type of spanking you deem suitable, Sir.

      (Your ‘memorable’ comment had my insides shaking, can’t you tell?)

  5. Michael January 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm #

    Pink, as the lovely ladies have already said, your words touch deeply and move our hearts. I am like D in that I don’t like giving disciplinary spankings but when required I do so to my lovely Season with love but with firmness and strictness. I hope the way you so eloquently describe it is the way Season also feels, and you and D are so in tune and just made for each other. I am so happy for you both.

    • Barely Pink January 5, 2011 at 10:11 pm #

      Michael, I’m sure, based on what I know of you and Season, that you discipline with loving firmness and she feels similarly. Talk about being in tune and made for each other! You two are poster childs of spanko happiness! I know the geographic distance between you will be over soon. Big hugs to you.

  6. Emanuele Lombardi January 5, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    There is a place outside of your comfort zone, well past your limits where incredible things can happen. You may have had tears on your face but were you smiling inside? The smug satisfaction of enduring a bit more than you thought you could handle. I would say poor baby but I really don’t think that is called for here.


    • Barely Pink January 5, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

      Honestly, I was smiling afterward, Emanuele. During the application of the paddle and, later, other implements I was not smiling anywhere. But I did feel loved and cared for and protected. So, you’re absolutely right. No “poor baby” required! 🙂

  7. Gern Blandershphelt January 6, 2011 at 11:51 am #

    You have such beauty and grace in your writing my friend. This shows an honest vulnerability most people are afraid to show the world. It is a part of what makes you so amazing; and you are what makes this blog so amazing.

    • Barely Pink January 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

      You have stellar taste in friends, Gern, and quite a way with words, yourself.

      Your words humble me and your friendship uplifts me. Thank you!

  8. Bonnie-jo January 6, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

    I like the part about the look in his eyes, asking you for forgiveness when you’re the one to be forgiven….Humbleness and absolute kindness in a dom…can it be? 🙂

    • Barely Pink January 7, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

      That is my absolute favorite part of this whole thing, too, Bonnie-jo. And, YES! That sort of Dom is out there!



  9. Zelle January 7, 2011 at 3:15 pm #

    CONGRATS on this blog being CHROSSED PINK! It’s excellent!

    • Barely Pink January 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

      Thanks, Zelle! It’s a compliment that I will never, ever get used to (or grow immune to). What a great start to the weekend!

      Hope yours is lovely! (I’ll email you when I get back from my weekend with D. Crazy day today!)

  10. Season January 7, 2011 at 6:13 pm #

    I’m just getting caught up on my blog reading so sorry I’m late to the party. This is exactly how I feel. The care and love I feel from Michael, especially at moments like that, is incredible. Thank you for writing about this so eloquently.

    And congrats on being Chrossed!

    • Michael January 8, 2011 at 6:36 am #

      Season, I am so glad you do feel my care and love, and I feel it from you also.

      Pink, congratulations on this excellent post being Chrossed. Well done.

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