It is absolutely true that D and I are spankos whose main kink is bare bottomed, spanky play. An aspect I don’t write about frequently is our D/s relationship.
Submission, although the actual practice was new to me, felt absolutely right with D since his first spoken command. However, I struggled with desires as an erotic woman with her own high sex drive and as an unshakable feminist. Fully submitting, while natural to who I am, required reprogramming and introspection.
Wisely, D assigned me the task of a daily journal so we could monitor our journey into D/s.
I hadn’t reread my journals until today. Below is an entry from our first month together, unedited and, aside from the removal of our names, uncensored. I now feel the same, but my submission has grown deeper than the physical reactions described in this early glimpse of D and I.
April 4, 2010
“During your playtime, your master may have brought you to the brink of orgasm many times, and many a time he let you come. He has been working hard all night to keep increasing your level of arousal and desire, conditioning you with pleasure and pain until they become one and the same thing. He is as aroused as you are, filled with the power you have given him. You are wild for each other and cannot stand it another minute.”
-Claudia Varrin, Erotic Surrender
D,
I can definitely tell that you have read this book. Or perhaps your methods of domination are inherent and you need no text to guide you. But I kept recalling how close you would get me, how I would just begin to feel the tightness in my belly, the premonition of waves, and you would scale it back. Was this deliberate? Or just luck?
I think I’m at my most submissive when I’m taken from behind with a sore and blazing ass.
Or maybe it’s when I’m on my knees.
Or maybe it’s when my hands are behind my head and I am forced not to move and to take what you give.
What I really fantasize about is you allowing me to come over your lap, your hand beating a steady rhythm on my cheeks — knowing that I am experiencing these pleasures because you wished it, you gave them to me, you allowed me that abandon. That knowledge alone is almost as orgasm-producing as the actual touch of your hands.
Yours,
Pink
Submission, although the actual practice was new to me, felt absolutely right with D since his first spoken command. However, I struggled with desires as an erotic woman with her own high sex drive and as an unshakable feminist. Fully submitting, while natural to who I am, required reprogramming and introspection.
Wisely, D assigned me the task of a daily journal so we could monitor our journey into D/s.
I hadn’t reread my journals until today. Below is an entry from our first month together, unedited and, aside from the removal of our names, uncensored. I now feel the same, but my submission has grown deeper than the physical reactions described in this early glimpse of D and I.
April 4, 2010
“During your playtime, your master may have brought you to the brink of orgasm many times, and many a time he let you come. He has been working hard all night to keep increasing your level of arousal and desire, conditioning you with pleasure and pain until they become one and the same thing. He is as aroused as you are, filled with the power you have given him. You are wild for each other and cannot stand it another minute.”
-Claudia Varrin, Erotic Surrender
D,
I can definitely tell that you have read this book. Or perhaps your methods of domination are inherent and you need no text to guide you. But I kept recalling how close you would get me, how I would just begin to feel the tightness in my belly, the premonition of waves, and you would scale it back. Was this deliberate? Or just luck?
I think I’m at my most submissive when I’m taken from behind with a sore and blazing ass.
Or maybe it’s when I’m on my knees.
Or maybe it’s when my hands are behind my head and I am forced not to move and to take what you give.
What I really fantasize about is you allowing me to come over your lap, your hand beating a steady rhythm on my cheeks — knowing that I am experiencing these pleasures because you wished it, you gave them to me, you allowed me that abandon. That knowledge alone is almost as orgasm-producing as the actual touch of your hands.
Yours,
Pink
The Pink Report 
WOW! Pink. Thank you so much for this intimate peek inside your journal, but more specially, inside your heart. And also into D, of course. You two are so well matched, and not only complement one another but the two together are greater than the individual selfs.
We are definitely an example of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. I am incredibly fortunate to have found him, as I’m sure you and Season feel about each other, too.
Thanks, Michael!
Pink, Those daily journals helped me understand so much about you. I would recommend journaling to any couple wanting to improve their understanding of each other.
And I remember when the fantasy in the journal became a reality, plus several more since then. 🙂
I remember that, too. Can we do that again? That was fun. 😉
Thank you for “making” me do those journals. And thank you also for holding me accountable on the timeliness of them. It was a valuable exercise and I, too, recommend journaling to any couple starting out or looking to reconnect.
Miss Pink and D
The posting gave another glimpse of the wonderful person who wrote it, how she knows herself and the response from D – as Michael has said, the both of you combined is the perfect example of synergy in motion..
Hugs
Raven
At the risk of sounding cheesey, he really does inspire me to be a better, stronger person. He continually challenges me, lending perspective and insight to situations in and out of D/s.
Those tardy journals may have earned me one or two (or five or six) sessions with the paddle, but, looking back, I can see how valuable they were to our development.
D is wise. And he spanks very, very hard.
Pink and D…thank you so much for this peek into your relationship. Journaling seems like a great communication tool. Pink – did you ever have trouble with censoring yourself in your journals? Does it get easier in time? I’ve always found that I have trouble writing things exactly as I think them, even in my private journals – I’m not sure why that is exactly, but I’d be curious if you ever had the same problem.
This was a lovely post. 🙂
Yes, Kate, I did and still occasionally have trouble censoring myself. D & I don’t do the daily journal thing anymore as we’ve developed beyond that. But I am, right now, writing a weekly journal to help me reach a personal goal.
My only advice is to not attach any judgment on how you feel. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, but must be accepted so they can be dealt with. Once I stopped attaching “good” or “bad” and “should” or “shouldn’t” to my emotions, I was able to really share everything that occurred to me. And then D & I could honestly deal with any fall-out from my feelings and the issues surrounding them.
Don’t know if that helps, Kate! I hope it does. 🙂
Hugs,
Pink
Actually, that helps a lot Pink. I’m sure it would take practice in action, but it makes a lot of sense. Sort of frees up your mind since you’re not constantly sorting the thoughts into good/bad/etc. Thanks sweetie!
Hugs.
That’s from my psychology degree, courtesy of Wal-Mart. 🙂
Glad it helps! That advice was cheap.
Hugs,
Pink
The journal, and other written communication, is a fantastic idea. I think it allows, or facilitates, the sharing of thoughts and feelings deeper and more difficult to express. Particularly important in the early building of a relationship. Thanks so much for sharing your intimate details.
There were definitely times when I couldn’t say the things I needed to and journaling made it so much easier. I didn’t have to see his immediate reaction. And it gave him time to digest what I had said before responding. It’s a safe way to discuss things and he made a rule that there would be no repercussions from anything discussed in them; they could be as short or as long as I needed them to be.
(I only got in trouble when they were late!)
honesty I rarely found and appreciated, when seen excellent post. Keep them coming.(no doublle entendre intended)
I shall try, Steve. Thank you!
An excellent post. Thank you for letting us take a peek into your journal.
Sounds as though you two are very well matched Pink.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Thanks, Ronnie! I think we are. Isn’t he lucky? 😛
Brilliant as always, Pink.
Really beautifully said. I’m at the beginning of something right now, myself, and can so relate to this.
xoxoxo
Libby
I know, Libby. I’ve been reading about your hot, hot, hot first meeting with your Sir.
If anyone hasn’t checked out Libby’s blog, A Libertine’s Spanking, do yourselves a favor and check it out. It’s on my “Fresh & New” link list.
Thanks, Libby!
We are new to this and I find it very difficult to post. But I love your description of submission as that is how I feel. I don’t ever want a spsnking, but often I need one. Thank you for being so honest.
Now going to hide under the duvet.
ddx
dd,
Thank you so much for posting here as I know how difficult it can be, especially at the beginning, to publicly comment. I hope you have fun and enjoy each other. This lifestyle is so rewarding if done properly (which only means if done the way you want it to be as there is no right or wrong).
I hope to see you commenting again, dd, but you don’t have to. You can stay under that duvet and keep reading. 🙂
Hugs,
Pink