Ain’t too proud to beg

24 Nov

“Pride comes before a fall.”
I used to proudly state that nobody could make me cry with just a spanking. I am physically strong: there is nothing petite or dainty about my build. Being 5’11 and with a high pain tolerance, I know I posed a challenge to many a spanker — first with my long legs that rarely dangled and kicked helplessly, and second with my refusal to allow any pain to sink into my prideful heart and mind.
Yes, I could take quite the spanking. If I cried, which was rare, it wasn’t about the physical pain, but rather the emotional connectedness. I’ve written about this already.
Now there is an additional component. My bottom is betraying me these days. In addition to the emotional element, the pain is sinking in.

My coyness, once ceremonial, is now a sincere desire for the spanking to end — and sometimes for it not to even begin. I don’t understand this increased sensitivity. Is it hormonal? Weather change? Is D just spanking me harder, trying to find my growing limits? Or is my bottom always sensitive these days due to the frequent and vigorous attention that it receives?
D, of course, has noticed my panicked wriggling, my change in tone, my increased struggle.  He has commented on how quickly my voice fills with tears, way before I actually shed any.
He claims that he is “turning it up a notch”.  Perhaps I had grown complacent in receiving a spanking.  Perhaps his desire for dominance is quenched by making me truly submit — and true submission often means submitting to something we don’t necessarily want or think that we can take.

The result is a much more emotional experience. I, the Amazonian woman, become a pygmy over his lap, powerless to stop the onslaught of his hand. My surrender is both an emotional and a physical one requiring an enhanced trust in the man I call my own.
With him I am free to beg. I am free to plead. There is no disappointment in myself, either from him or me.
It turns out that I need this, as much as I don’t really want the pain. I need to know that I can be pushed to my outer boundaries, emotionally and physically, and be reigned in afterward by the safety of his arms.

18 Responses to “Ain’t too proud to beg”

  1. D November 24, 2010 at 1:50 pm #

    Pink, You were strong in the emotional wall you built around your feelings. You don’t need that wall anymore, just my reassurance that you’re safe and I’m sane.

    You are free, now, to truly experience this part of you that had been so well hidden and protected. Embrace it, don’t fear it.

    • Barely Pink November 25, 2010 at 10:17 am #

      There’s never any fear with you, D. There’s trepidation aplenty, but never fear.

      Thank you for making me feel safe again.

  2. Kate November 24, 2010 at 4:14 pm #

    Pink, this is really beautiful (and beautifully written). I think that those of us who are strong, or are expected to be strong because of circumstances, find it very difficult to let down those high walls we erect to keep us safe. I struggle with that, and I feel it would take a very special person indeed for me to do so.

    It sounds as if you’ve found your special person – as D said above, embrace it and trust him to catch you. I’m so happy for you. 🙂

    • Barely Pink November 25, 2010 at 10:20 am #

      Thank you, Kate! Your comment is beautiful and it reminds me that our true strength is tested in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. It also reminds me that there is a special person for everyone. I hope you find yours soon!

  3. Em November 24, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

    I know just how that feels Pink, though you’ve described it much better than I could.

    I remember asking once, after what I found a particularly difficult spankings, if he was spanking me much harder or if I’d suddenly become a bit of a whimp. I never did get a straight answer, but that’s ok 🙂

    • Barely Pink November 25, 2010 at 10:22 am #

      Haha, Em…I asked D that same exact thing! “When did I get so wussy?” That rascal just smiled.

  4. Raven Red November 24, 2010 at 6:57 pm #

    Again Miss Pink, your thoughts and emotions portrayed in this beautiful piece of writing is beyond any words I can come up with..



    • Barely Pink November 25, 2010 at 10:24 am #

      Oh, Raven, I believe you can (and have) come up with equally, if not more, beautifully stated thoughts. Thank you!

  5. Brett November 25, 2010 at 1:32 am #

    Pink, you describe very well the kink for me. The attraction is to spanking as a powerful experience. For some the power is maybe just the romantic feelings elicited. I was fascinated by the ritual long before I was old enough to appreciate that aspect. It was the powerful feelings elicited in a punishment situation that I understood and still attract me today. I don’t see it as an everyday experience in reality. What plays out so well in fantasy is too difficult to go through very often, but that fantasy involving measured punishment, real anxiety, overwhelming pain, true surrender and feeling of helplessness, is at the core of what excites and intrigues me. It’s great that the Internet allows so many of us the chance to explore these ideas openly.

    • Barely Pink November 25, 2010 at 10:30 am #

      Brett, you have nailed it precisely. “Measured punishment, real anxiety, overwhelming pain, true surrender and feeling of helplessness”, define it exactly for me.

      And hallelujah for the internet. If it weren’t for that, I’d still be sitting around wondering what the heck was wrong with me!

  6. Season November 25, 2010 at 7:45 am #

    “My surrender is both an emotional and a physical one requiring an enhanced trust in the man I call my own.”

    Oh how I love the way you write, Pink! I just nodded through your whole piece with inner recognition.

    • Barely Pink November 25, 2010 at 10:33 am #

      Isn’t it wonderful that, although we all have our own unique experiences in TTWD, that we can recognize ourselves in others’ journeys? When I read others’ blogs, like yours and Michael’s, I always feel validated and more confident in my surrender.

      I’m so happy to have you here, Season.

  7. Season and Michael November 26, 2010 at 2:30 pm #

    Congrats on being Chrossed, Pink! We love your blog!

    • Barely Pink November 27, 2010 at 12:02 pm #

      Thanks, Season and Michael! Your blog is at the tip-top of my reading list!

  8. Sass November 29, 2010 at 5:01 pm #

    Just catching up with my reading and wanted to say, WOW 5’11”? Hooray, I don’t feel all alone anymore! I am not quite that tall, but close, and sometimes I feel like “submissive” somehow means “little”. Hard not to sometimes with all that I read. Even with a husband twice as big as me…not in height, but in muscle….sometimes the “little” in me feels so BIG. I’m so glad to see that I’m not the only one in a tall package!

    PS – Love the post, as always! You are so incredibly deep.


    • Barely Pink November 29, 2010 at 5:44 pm #

      It IS hard being so tall and submissive. Many men automatically assumed I switch or top when I’d tell them my height. I’m taller than D when I wear heels, but he can still make me feel itty-bitty with just one glance. I love that. I think it speaks volumes for a man who is not intimidated by women of our stature.

      I’m not sure about my depth, but I sure have loads to say. 🙂 Thanks, Sass!

  9. Lea June 18, 2011 at 11:06 pm #

    I’m going through your best of section and loved this post! Being a 6 foot tall bottom myself, I totally hear you on people assuming that you must switch or top upon hearing your height. It takes a confident man to deal with a tall woman and it sounds like we’ve both found good ones. 🙂

    • Barely Pink June 19, 2011 at 12:35 am #

      It’s so damn annoying. Even when guys say they are loyal readers and should know better, some get around to asking me to spank them because I happen to be taller than them. I got the tall gene, not the topping gene. They are not synonymous!

      And high five (way up high)!

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