5 simple rules

23 Apr

Having spent considerable time over the last year on numerous dating sites, vanilla and lifestyle alike, I feel entitled to make some sweeping generalizations. Bear with me for my 5 rules of hitting the back button on a man’s profile, and if this offends, I apologize. There are, of course, exceptions.

He MIGHT need personal enrichment classes if:

1. Before he even knows you, he is yelling at you in ALL CAPS;

2. His profile picture is of his cock…in someone’s mouth;

3. He is posed next to his prized possession: a faux wood-paneled minivan, or any car for that matter. (note: I hold no importance on what kind of vehicle someone drives, but if you use your car as a personal selling point it leads me to believe that there isn’t much there to sell. Motorcycles notwithstanding.);

4. He carefully capitalizes all pronouns in reference to himself but ignores any other acceptable grammatical practices;

5. He is scowling in every photograph. Looks like fun! Sign me up!

Those were the rules I lived by. What are some of yours?

4 Responses to “5 simple rules”

  1. elisabeth April 23, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    I just found your blog – love it! Your "rules" are funny, and I definitely agree, someone who can't smile in pictures makes me think they don't smile much in real life! Who wants to live without smiles? A girl's gotta have standards.

  2. Heather B April 23, 2010 at 7:39 pm #

    This post was great. So true.I guess profiles like that must work for some, or those guys would change it after a while of not getting any. :/

  3. barely.pink April 28, 2010 at 1:03 am #

    Absolutely, elisabeth! If someone can't put their best (and happiest) foot forward for a picture, it makes you wonder what their "worst foot" is.And, yes, I think these kinds of profiles do work for some. Perhaps a case of like attracting like?

  4. Supercock May 24, 2010 at 8:43 pm #

    Isn't it amazing what some guys do, still i guess it makes it a little, and i do mean a little easier for those of us who don't do those things..

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